me, myself and I

egoism [ˈiːgəʊˌɪzəm ˈɛg-]

n

1.    concern for one's own interests and welfare

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/egoism

…because I didn’t want to

…because I want it

…because I didn’t feel like it

these answers in moderation…ok…but they can’t be all you’ve got.

What you do and choose to do affects other people around you and further out. Are you making a positive impact or are you making things worse?

Waiting for grandma

I sat in the living room and heard her tell the story for the umpteenth time. I’m not tired of hearing it and she’s not tired of telling it….it’s as if it were the first time she told it. I hear her remembering the good times, the hard times, the family and the relationships.

She’s alone now and I live far away. I’m not saying she’s an easy person to get along with and I’m not saying that she’s the kind of grandma who makes you cookies or sews you a blankie. She can’t but it’s not her style either.

She walks leaning off to the side and has shrunken in time.

Me: Te ayudo

Her: No!

She doesn’t want to feel useless or unable.  She doesn’t need your help. She’s not one to bother anyone, she says.

Her: You be ready if they’re coming to get you. Never leave anyone waiting. Don’t waste people’s time.

I’ve been waiting for about and hour and since I was dozing off on the couch, I went to check. It’s awfully quiet back there.

Me: Abuela?

Her: Esperate….que?

She’s not ready.

The mosquitoes are biting so I decide to go to the car. She has a skin condition and can’t turn on the a/c.

I ‘m sitting in the car as we speak. How much longer do I have her? What else can I learn from her?

…got back out of the car and went to get my grandma…still have things to learn you know!

2012

Me:

Had my family over for New Years Eve. It was nice…favorite part…my babies.  They aren’t so baby anymore but they will always be MY babies! My mom brought rolls of bubble wrap…at first I was perplexed. Were we mailing something out?? 

Once Midnight hit, duh! The bubble wrap is here to step on, jump on, dance on…which my girls did perfectly along with their cutie 3 year old cousin.  It was amazing…I didn’t think I would enjoy so much noise going on at once.  It sounded beautiful accompanied by the laughter and joy of 4 children up waaaay past their bedtime!  My eldest had her trumpet, the small ones had paper horns, noise makers and giggles…lots of giggles!

My family has this custom…they throw a pail of water out the front door at midnight.  Why? I don’t know…I should probably ask. It goes as far back as my great-grandparents (as far as I know).  Anyways, point is, we do/did that at my house now. 

Yesterday after we (the adults) had done it and minutes after the cheers dulled down a bit, my “medium” daughter strolls through the living room with her own bucket of water. She continues right out the front door and throws out her water! Lesson:  Live by example, learn by example!

Question: How are you living and what are you learning?

Today is the first day of 2012. What is going to happen this year in my life…who knows. One thing is for sure, I will still be their mom and do everything in my power to enjoy every moment. Every giggle, every question, every tear, and every teachable moment in their life.

For example, here’s a moment:

Me: I love you so much! Did you know that?

Lili: Yes, I know that.

Me: You do? How did you know that?

Lili: Because you told me mami.

Me: Why do I love you?

Lili: Because you are my best friend.

Me: I am?!

Lili: yes…*snuggle*

These are the moments…I look forward to many more throughout the year!

*Resolutions for 2012: not to come up with a list of resolutions. Choose one thing and do my best to keep myself honest. I don’t make false commitments with others so why cheat myself.? Right? So maybe making it public will help.

Here we go: During 2012, I will do my best to capture these moments in life…in writing. There I said it!